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24 October 2011 @ 08:43 pm
Even though I said I'd try to keep up with having a journal, once again the plan fell through. I don't know what keeps me coming back and trying when every other time I've failed to keep up, but I still try to come back. I think there's just something different about lj from places like facebook and such that really let you get out what you're feeling and thinking. I guess there's just something about putting those thoughts and feelings into words that attracts me, even if no one but me ever sees it.

I guess what drove me back this time is I've been kind of reflective lately, looking at my life and what is and isn't there. Maybe keeping up with a journal will help me sort them out. Or at least vent anyways. 

Since my last post, way back when in the middle of summer, I've move back to school for yet another semester. A semester that is already half way over already. Signing up for classes is coming up way sooner than I thought it would and I can't believe I only have two semesters left (at least that's the plan). 

Besides school I've been trying to find a job. I've only ever had the one job at the bakery back home and I'm really ready to move on to something new. Plus I'm in desperate need of some money. I've applied to a total of seven places so far, but only received an email from one saying they have no place for me at this time. It's becoming really frustrating. I keep putting in the time and effort to apply to all these places only to have nothing to show for it. Not a single inquiry. It's almost starting to discourage me from applying to more places because I feel like it would be just another place that won't contact me back. I haven't given up hope yet though, so hopefully something comes up before I do!

The only other new thing is maybe my love life is finally seeing some light. There's this guy that I've been hanging out with occasionally and been on a few dates with. He really seems like a nice guy and I'd like to get to know him better. Hopefully something more will happen, but we'll see.
scene: dorm room
frame of mind: contemplativecontemplative
tunes: Mumford & Sons
21 June 2011 @ 10:22 pm
So I joined Tumblr tonight, and now I think I'm addicted. Seriously, there are so many random and awesome things out there, it's addicting. If you would like to see the random, awesome things I find amusing, check it out here.

It's been raining FOREVER, like since Sunday or something, and it's getting annoying. Today is the first official day of summer, there should be warmth and blue skies and sunshine!! *le sigh* Oh well, at least right now it is thunderstorming, so that's more exciting than the plain old gray, cloudy, dreary rain we've been having.
frame of mind: dorkydorky
tunes: thunder and rain
17 June 2011 @ 12:15 am
 So I'm feeling really fucking depressed/bummed right now. It's looking more and more like I'm going to end up in the dorms again next semester, something I REALLY didn't want to fucking happen. But it's what my roommate wants to do, and she did give some totally understandable and logical reasons. But that still doesn't mean I can't be bummed and pissed off at the situation. I was just really looking forward to finally having a place of my own. I'm 21 now and going to fucking be a college senior already, I thought my life would be somewhere else by now. When I graduated from high school I had plans/dreams of where I wanted my life to go and it just seems like none of it has happened yet. Hell, it seems like nothing that I truly want happens. I hoped that by now in my life I'd be so much farther, have a better job have a car of my own and be living on my own, and so many other things. But year after year nothing ever works out for me to get any of it. It feels like my life has been stuck in this horrible rut, and that there's no end in sight. Like I said, it's really fucking depressing. And now I just feel like giving up trying, just saying fuck it all, and just go with the flow live day by day and not make any plans for the future, because it's just setting myself up for disappointment when it all crash and burns.

In other news, my mom and I drove to Chicago today/tonight to take my brother to the airport. He is vising my grandma in Alaska for her 80th birthday. It was a pretty boring drive, but at least it was something to do. And now I'm tired and have to work all weekend again. Oh well, I really need the money so I guess I shouldn't complain. 
frame of mind: depresseddepressed
11 June 2011 @ 11:10 pm
 So sleep seems to be alluding me once again. *sigh* But I shall try anyways after posting this.

I can't sleep because my brain is in a weird place right now. That little personal problem I briefly mentioned in my previous post? Yeah, that was me deciding to breakup with my bf and just like 5 minutes ago I finally got around to telling him. Although, I took the slightly cowards way out and sent him a facebook message to do it. I know it would have been more polite and not as impersonal than say, calling him, but I felt this way was best because it allowed me to clearly write down all my thoughts and not leave anything out. I feel like if I called him I would get all nervous at the awkward conversation and have a hard time getting out what I need to say. So yeah, now my brain is all weird with both too many crazy thoughts and no thoughts at all, waiting for/slightly dreading what he has to say in return. I just have to tell myself to chill, and that whatever happens I can deal with it! I know this is for the best so I just need to do it and move on.

And now this will be like the third night in a row with not enough sleep. (totally all my fault though) Add on top of that having to get up ungodly early for a Sunday so I can be to work for 6am, and I shall most likely be very tired tomorrow. Oh well, hopefully the day goes by fast, because I get  to see my favorite little guy, my nephew Adrain, tomorrow after work!! :D I'm so excited, I love that boy!

Oh, and the icon is because some parts of these last few days, and probably parts of tomorrow, have been a little stressful/tiring so I thought I could use a little Steve/Danny lovin' to cheer me up!
frame of mind: draineddrained
10 June 2011 @ 01:33 am
 Once again, another night where my thoughts are keeping me up and I can't sleep. And funny thing is, I had the same problem exactly one week ago, which was my last post I think. Now brain, I hope this doesn't become a weekly ritual.

I think overall I've had a crummy week. There was some good in there, like finding an awesome dress at Goodwill for only $2.50!! But there was just a bunch of crappy stuff that kind of overshadowed the good. Like two days ago I had a headache that wouldn't go away. It wasn't really a bad one, kind of a moderate but tolerable one, it was just annoying. I took some ibuprofen and took a nap, then woke up at 9pm and it was still there a little bit. After being awake for only about two hours I gave up, took another pill, and went to bed. Then the next morning my brain was slightly slow to get going. Another thing that sucked this past week is a personal debate that has been slowly building in the back of my mind kind of came to the forefront and it was nagging at me and I didn't quite know what to do. But today/tonight I think I finally decided on what's the right thing to do. Now my only problem is following through with it, and it's making me a tad nervous (part of the reason I couldn't fall asleep).

To update on the fic I talked about in my last post, I haven't made any more progress on it. I had some good thoughts on what to do with it just never got around to writing it. I wanted to work on it tonight, but some other things came up and I didn't. Oh well, maybe this weekend I can try to. I think since for this fic idea I actually have a basic plan for how the entire thing is going to go, one of these days I'm just gonna force myself to sit down and write out my ideas. Let's all hope I make myself do so soon!! 
Speaking of the weekend, I hope it goes well even though I have to work every day! Tomorrow night I am going out after working to celebrate a friend's 21st birthday. It should be fun, but I can't have too many drinks or stay out too late because 1) I'm driving and 2) I work in the morning. Then on Sunday I should hopefully be able to see my nephew. I'm so excited for that! He's so adorable and now that he's almost 2 he's getting more fun, and he is talking more which is just too cute! *sigh* I love that little guy!! <3
frame of mind: contemplativecontemplative
tunes: random Taylor Swift songs swirling through my head
02 June 2011 @ 01:18 am
 What's keeping me up this late when I have work in the morning? None other than a plot bunny, of course! *rolls eyes* Seriously, how come every time I get an idea for a fic, or ideas for specific details of how a story should go, it's when I'm in bed trying to fall asleep? *sigh* Oh well, at least this time I actually came up with ideas for the entirety of the fic, not just parts. I also thought of a great ending, which is why I'm up now, I had to write it down in case I didn't remember in the morning. Speaking of which, I hope I remember the rest of my ideas for this bunny in the morning, or that they seem as good as they do now. (sometimes my crazy, late-night thoughts look different in the morning) But I really like what I thought of for this story idea so I REALLY hope that I get around to writing it, unlike all the other times. I got the idea from the song 'Oceans Away' by The Fray, a little h/c h50 fic. 

This brings me to another thing, when did I become such a sucker for not only fluff but also slash fics?! I used to not care for either type of fic, but since become a fan of h50 I've been sucked in and now I love them. And I have never before shipped any pairing in any fandom until h50 with Steve/Danny. I guess those boys really know how to weasel their way into a fangirl's heart.
tunes: Oceans Away - They Fray
25 May 2011 @ 10:55 am
So much for keeping my new layout for a while! I decided I couldn't keep it. I loved the top image with the flowers, but the layout style of the actual journal I didn't like. Now with this new layout it's almost the opposite. I love the layout of the journal (though I wish it was a little wider) but I'm not a huge fan of the header image. I guess it's ok. But I doubt I'll ever be truly happy with a pre-made layout. If only I could remember how I got my layouts years ago when I was first on lj. I might look into it, but then I'd have the problem of finding and deciding on a header. God, if only I wasn't so indecisive! :p

Anyways, I don't have the time now to worry about it, I have to go get ready for work. This will be my second week back at the bakery. So far it's going well, at times it's almost like I never left. Hopefully it continues to go well, but we'll see...
Tags: ,
frame of mind: hungryhungry
24 May 2011 @ 09:06 pm
 New journal layout!! I was contemplating it for a while, and I was/am bored tonight so I decided to look through lj's layouts. I came across this one and really liked it. I'm not sure if I'll keep it because there are some things about it I don't like (like how huge the calendar is, what's with that?!), but I will keep for a while at least before deciding yeah or neigh.

So even though I said I would get around to working on my fic idea, I haven't. I'm thinking that if I ever want something to come of it, I'm going to have to just force myself to sit down and work on it. I really want to try to start tonight, I even made myself some coffee to do so, but we'll see if that actually happens.

In other news, I think I have fallen even more in love with my fandom. Seriously, there are so many awesome people in the H50 fandom, I keep coming across amazing fanart, fics, posts, memes, comments, discussions and just general weirdness/crazyness/awesomeness. <3 I think I need to participate more and get myself into this fandom instead of always being just an outside observer. Maybe if I ever get my ass in gear and turn one of my ideas into a damn fic! *rolls eyes at self* 
scene: bedroom
frame of mind: restlessrestless
tunes: music channel
16 May 2011 @ 11:53 pm
 Holy flying crap batman!!! The H50 finale was awesome and omg and wtf and why and gah and I am rambling!!! Some fans are pissed, but I thought it was amazing. There were some things that happened that I thought might happened, but there were still many unexpected surprised as well. I could agree with the fans on some things, but I'm not as pissed as them and I think I'm going to wait for the next season and see how they resolve all this stuff before I put too much judgement on anything. Now if they don't resolve things in a good way this fall, then I shall be pissed and will be passing much judgement. *sigh* Season finales and cliffhangers are a bitch. And this has only been one, I have so many more to see!!

But, once my brain settles down from all this finale business, I can hopefully think about my plot bunny once again and try writing some of it. Wish me luck!!
Well, I should get to bed because I am so tired and I start work tomorrow. Wish me luck on that as well!

scene: bed
frame of mind: tiredtired
12 May 2011 @ 05:45 pm
 So while taking a shower today a new plot bunny came to mind. I was glad, because my first one that I had over a month ago hasn't gone anywhere and I don't know when or if I'll ever feel like working on it again, so I was hoping for a new idea since I still want to try my hand at writing fanfiction. This new plot bunny is of course in H50, and it is about Danny and Grace. Because they're so adorable together, who can't resist? I'm pretty sure the only thing more adorable is Steve/Danny + Grace, which has quickly become my favorite kind of fic! I will try to work out my ideas tonight and hopefully start writing some of it. And I also hope that this one actually becomes a story that I finish!
scene: bedroom
frame of mind: hopefulhopeful